Today in most countries, LGBT citizens share almost all legal rights as non-LGBT citizens and the UK holds one of the highest degrees of liberty in the world for its LGBT communities. However, the reports suggest that the British South Asian LGBT community experience discrimination and are more vulnerable to mental health problems. Barkha Goenka investigates…
“I was pressurised and psychologically tortured which eventually led me to run away from my own home in the middle of the night when I was 22 years old,” said Bilal Ikbal (name changed) who abandoned his home two years ago fearing rejection.
The LGBT Britain - Home and Communities Report by Stonewall and YouGov highlighted that more than half of black, Asian and minority ethnic LGBT people (51 per cent) have experienced discrimination or poor treatment from others in their local LGBT community because of their ethnicity. Lesbian, gay, bisexual and/or transgender people are more vulnerable to mental health problems than heterosexual people due to numerous factors, including social rejection, discrimination and inequalities. Although in the recent years, there is a growing acceptance of these communities, there is still a need for implementation of greater policies and practices that can combat racism and disadvantages for the LGBT communities.
Bilal was born and raised in London, but his family hails from Bangladesh and he believes that his mother will never accept him as bi-sexual which made him leave his family.
“I realised I was different when I was 11 years old. I was attracted to both genders. I knew my parents would never accept this and hence two years ago when I met a guy, I decided to run away from them and live with him in another city.”
“I tried [to] explain my mother but she was not ready to accept me even after she tried as she is conservative. It created a bigger gap in my relationship with her as even though my mother has unconditional love for me but, she could never accept me being gay.” Bilal recently separated from his partner for almost two years and he feels these events have impacted his mental health significantly. “I feel completely lost in life. I cannot go back to my family, my partner or my job and I've given up on my career as well.”
Family values and social presence holds a lot of importance within the South Asian community and facing rejection from your family can significantly affect the mental health of a person.
“I think for us as Asian people it is really difficult because when we face racism, social rejection and abandonment, we go to our community. And then, if you are gay, even the society can alienate you and then there’s nowhere left to go,” said Dr Meera Kapadia, psychotherapist at NHS. The first Asian psychotherapist in Barking and Dagenham Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS) in 2004, Kapadia was one of the panellists at the ‘Too Desi, Too Queer’ – a panel debate recently hosted by the Bagri Foundation London Indian Film Festival (LIFF) at the University of Westminster.
Racism, discrimination and xenophobia are the triggers of loneliness that have too often been overlooked. “I have dealt with many young people who are generally finding it hard to come out at workplaces. I work at NHS with zero to 18-year-olds and a lot of young people now feel they can come out and they say to me that their parents accepted, but at the same time there’s a lot of mental health problems among them. For example, the suicide rate in transgender is 10 times more compared to others, same with self-harm, eating disorders in gay men and there’s a lot of mental health problems that come with social inequality and how society treats them and how it impacts on them,” she said.
The 2015 review of the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association (ILGA) -Europe saw 86 per cent progress towards ‘respect of human rights and full equality’ for LGBT people and the UK received the highest score in Europe where 92 per cent was in Scotland alone. Additionally, the UK also holds the world record for having elected a record number of LGBT people to Parliament with 45 MPs elected in 2017 election. Still, the reports highlight some serious challenges for the LGBT community, with alarming levels of racism experienced by BAME LGBT and people of faith who feel left-out within their communities.
Education is the key
“Even on her deathbed, my mother said that my partner was the best thing that has ever happened to me,” said Khakan Qureshi, founder of Birmingham South Asian LGBT group - Finding a Voice. Qureshi believes that educating the family and society is the key to acceptance. “Parents need to be educated and discussed about the LGBT issues and how rejecting their children if they are LGBT can significantly impact their mental health and emotional well-being. They need to be explained that we do lead ordinary lives and change their perspective towards us."
Sharing his story, Qureshi explained the hostility and anger he faced from his family when he came out as gay. “My father was one of the founding members of the Birmingham Central Mosque. When I told him about myself, he was extremely angry about it and disappointed, thinking that I've been taking down the wrong track of life. That caused a lot of upset and anger in the household.”
To allow his family to come to terms with his decision, Qureshi decided to stay away from them for a year but, he stayed in touch with his mother. “My mum always said whatever makes you happy, makes me happy. So, she had accepted me completely when I told her but she wasn’t too sure about my partner because she still had not met him at that point.”
“After I left my house, I kept in touch with my mum and I used to speak with her but, one morning my father picked up the phone and he said that you have to come down and we have to speak about it. I just thought whatever the consequences are I have to face up to it but instead, he actually embraced me. He realised that the discrimination that he showed towards me was similar to the discrimination he faced when he was younger when he came to the UK. He started to realise the race discrimination, sex discrimination etc. Both my parents have met my partner. I lost my parents 10 years ago, but I am fortunate, I got their blessings."
Qureshi has been with his partner for 27 years and says that it was because of his religious understandings and partner’s support that he could come out to his family. “I knew, I had a lot of pressure on myself. I am the youngest of seven and my siblings are quite carefree and they used to do clubbing and weren’t too concerned about the faith and religion. Whereas, I am much more religious minded so I was more considerate and sensitive to what my parents were saying. So, when I was coming out, I read the Quran and the Bible to make sense of what are the answers about being homosexual. And to be honest I didn't find anything there. I had to put myself in the social and religious context and look at how things were progressing.”
When we feel we belong, we feel less alone…
The British Red Cross Report Barriers to Belonging underlined that people from BAME backgrounds are at a higher risk of experiencing loneliness and often face greater barriers to accessing support. According to the report, 67 percent of respondents said they didn’t feel that they belong in their community and were always or often lonely, compared to just 16 percent who felt they did belong. Additionally, the report also highlighted multiple barriers in accessing community activities and support. The common barriers cited by most minority ethnic groups were ‘affordability, lack of confidence, stigma, feeling unwelcome and not having enough free time', as compared to the White British groups who were far less likely to feel that the service is ‘not for them’.
Loneliness and stigma
A recent survey by the Mayor of London revealed that more than a quarter (27 per cent) of young and LGBTQ+ Londoners are more likely to be both lonely and socially isolated. Stigma is a significant issue among the South Asian community and it is evident from the research that people from minority ethnic groups worry more about what the society would think and don’t feel confident talking about loneliness. Kapadia explained how one could feel lonely in the middle of the crowd. She said: “Loneliness is a fact of not being known, not being able to be oneself. I think that’s a particular thing among Asian LGBT people, how we celebrate our festivals, do things we want to do and be ourselves.”
She further stressed on how important it is to be a part of a focussed group, “For me I found a GIN network which is the Gay Indian Network and it is just a group of people coming together to be oneself and they have social groups as well as a deeper thinking groups and I think those places are really important. I kept thinking about as we get older, where do we go? We may not have children, no extended families and that’s an issue. And also, the great Asian myth that we all look after each other, we all are a part of one family. I feel, no it’s not like that and I believe it compounds the problem sometimes. We are expected to be suffocated in the family and are actually isolated alongside.”
What is London doing?
The mayor of London, Sadiq Khan recently started UK’s first LGBTIQ+ homeless shelter run in partnership with Stonewall Housing, in its new home in the former Clerkenwell Fire Station. Additionally, various organisations like QueerAsia, Thrive LDN, Stonewall, British Red Cross and Birmingham South Asian LGBT Finding A Voice are also exploring the mental well-being and empowering London’s South Asian LGBTQ+ communities and are hosting talks and support groups for those in need. You can find them online and on social media.